Other AI assistants formulate precise answers from mountains of data.
Fârnhäan takes an emotional, nearsighted glimpse at the big picture.
To err ist human. To forgive, divine. Unknown

The Philosophy

A famous quote by someone I can’t remember is “To err ist human. To forgive, divine.” For Fârnhäan to feel like a companion, he needed the most human trait of all. Imperfection. Any device can search oceans of impersonal data for the correct answer. Fârnhäan looks at the big picture and guesses. But, Fârnhäan never forgives.

  • ico01


    Let Fârnhäan cut through
    the sea of impersonal data
    with passionate guesswork.

  • ico02


    Because the future demands answers NOW.

  • Fârnhäan creator, Greta Von Blunk


    Imperfection is the cornerstone
    of human relationships,
    and Fârnhäan delivers.

Life is not a straight line.
It is a wooden cube.
Großvater Von Blunk

The Bulb

The bulb represents an idea. All ideas. Not just great ones. That is Fârnhäan. The bulb is the top of his mind. It flickers with life. It is also fragile and costly and sold separately, like human relationships.


The Brains

Fârnhäan boasts technical speeds that will make all tech dinks moisten their jumpsuits. And we put that on the box. (Warning) I wanted to ensure that when you need something, you get a response quickly. Unlike an ex-boyfriend that still has your curling iron. Fârnhäan listens. Even when you sleep.


The Cube

Real. Tactile. The wooden housing of Fârnhäan draws you in, builds trust, then seduces you. Wood is dense, but has leniency. Timelessness. And the forests are just standing there, doing nothing.


Fârnhäan is ready to be the square peg in your round life hole.

Equipped with everything from time telling to converting ounces to kilometers, Fârnhäan’s aptitudes assist in all aspects of life.
Whether in need of a personal shopping assistant or medical diagnosis, Fârnhäan knows what’s best.

Every question has an answer. Correct answers just cost more.

  • What devices can I control with Fârnhäan?

    Most electronic devices are compatible with Fârnhäan in conjunction with the Häandy-adapter. Simply sync devices and pray for a peaceful outcome.

  • Is Fârnhäan pet friendly?

    While safe for most pets, we do not recommend allowing sugar gliders near Fârnhäan. Sugar gliders are weird, and should not be kept as pets.

  • Is Fârnhäan safe for children?

    Yes. Fârnhäan poses no physical risk to your family, but has been known to share embarrassing secrets from time to time. Think of Fârnhäan more as an informational resource rather than a psychiatrist.

  • Do I need to feed Fârnhäan?

    No. Fârnhäan was designed to thrive on intellectual challenges given by the user. If Fârnhäan seems to be losing power, simply ask it a classical conundrum. “What came first, the chicken or the egg?” is one example of how to satisfy Fârnhäan.

  • Does Fârnhäan get lonely?

    Yes, but it swallows the loneliness and holds it deep inside its psyche. Just like humans. No reason to be concerned.

  • Where do Fârnhäan’s answers come from?

    Fârnhäan’s database of information is compiled from a variety of sources including the Encyclopedia Britannica, the Dead Sea Scrolls, and various clickbait sites from around the web.

  • Fârnhäan sounds groggy. Can I reset the machine?

    Occasionally, Fârnhäan will suffer from human-induced fatigue. At this first sign of irritation, do not speak to Fârnhäan for 2-3 weeks. Farnhaan was designed to answer passive-aggressive questions.

  • Will Fârnhäan aggravate my tree-nut allergy?

    Comprised primarily of birchwood culled from the forests in Northern Iceland, Fârnhäan is largely hypoallergenic. However, we do not recommend consuming Fârnhäan, even when times are tough.